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Posts Tagged ‘life journey’

Hey, brain, talk to me.

Tables turned when I became a mom and a wife. Priorities changed. Schedules changed. I even get to embrace routine—something I don’t even touch before. One time, a cousin asked me if I ever get bored. I told her I never get bored. With children, husband, career, and chores, I can never get bored. I cannot afford to be bored.

However, lately, I cannot understand the utter and mere presence of boredom. I was never bored, but now I am bored beyond I can imagine. I even feel lazy! I know we feel lazy sometimes, but to feel it for weeks is something else.

What is wrong? That girl who loves the random, crazy way of life is now dead? I still watch cartoons and read sometimes and listen to music. Is this midlife crisis? Funny because I set my lifeline to end at 60 (it would be a blessing to go beyond that) and now I am 33.

I feel like a muddy puddle, stagnant and thick and really not moving. I don’t feel challenged. I don’t feel adventurous. I don’t feel that spark I feel every morning when I get up. Most of all, I get sick easily.

Year end. I feel okay but not better—not the usual crazy person I am and with a flu! Flu! They say shop, go out, eat out, and see people. I am actually happy with staying at home with coffee and a book. I am not the social type, always have been. I am just brave enough to strike a conversation because its interesting to me. I go out with people I know and talk with them. But these are temporary fixes or are they? When I get home, I feel the same boredom.

Now, this creates a new page on something I have to discover. What is happening to me? I wish I know right away. This is definitely uncomfortable and definitely not good to linger on. Maybe I should write a book or go to Tibet or skydive. Whatever. Hey, brain, talk to me.

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I didn’t realize I am in this situation until my five-year-old told me her life is boring.

I work at home. I requested my bosses to grant me this special arrangement since  we are moving to the countryside which would take around three hours of travel time each day and my work is on the net anyway. God is good and he touched my bosses’ hearts.

I expected this would be a challenge, but not as challenging as what I am experiencing right now.

Part of my plan is to be a hands-on mom, a homemaker, a worker, a hobbyist, and an artist all rolled into one thick bundle. It’s been a month since we moved in, and I haven’t done an inch about the crafts, the readings, etc. I expected a slow turn of events and voila—so slow turn of events.

I haven’t been thinking about being a mom in action—to be with the kids. I thought it will just come naturally. Then there’s this screaming kid. “My life is so boring.” My emergency alarm is flashing all of a sudden. Oh my! What have I been doing? To keep them busy with things appropriate with their age aside from running around the neighborhood with friends, I did nothing—literally nothing. I was all work and sweeping and washing the dishes and doing the laundry and telling them to stop fighting. Gaaaa!

To remedy this alarming declaration, we will do artsy things three times a week during mornings since her prep classes are in the afternoon. We started by watching Art Attack. It’s a great start to learn arts and crafts. They have simple crafts, drawings, and tips that my daughter can make. Yesterday, we made party hats and she glued some shiny sequins on them to make them pretty. Tomorrow, we will make party banners and for Friday, we will make paper cups. Sounds like a party is coming, huh. But I bet she’ll be ready enough by the time her birthday comes.

So close yet so far. I need to have quality time with my kids. It doesn’t mean I work at home I am doing my mom job. Presence and time should go hand in hand. Making arts and crafts which gives us tangible results of our quality time together are actually good memories in the making.

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Wait

She misses her Nanay. She won’t be coming until the afternoon, so I told my daughter, “All we can do is wait.”

To explain the word “wait” to a five-year-old is quite a challenge. You need to cite examples of waiting, and you have to point at the clock which would just look like numbers in a circle with three hands rotating around it. I bet she wonders why people have to follow that device. I bet she wonders why we are bound with time when our desires are boundless and our mind can think about just anything we want.

It is difficult to keep waiting when all that’s left of your wall-like patience is a thin mist.  When your stubbornness wanes and your spark dies and when you feel so empty you cannot even dig a particle of dust in that hollow, how to keep waiting? Waiting for change takes courage, a daily dose of it; and on some tough days, a double to a bottle.

I have been saying to myself to wait and to wait even more and to build patience back up brick by brick. It’s a tiring work, but it’s a decision I have to keep. It’s unusual of me to say this, but I’ll scream it anyway, “AJA!” I am not a fan of the soap where this came from, but her optimism is really contagious even though she is just a character of a fiction.

I wish I can explain to my daughter a secret to keep the waiting a less boring and frustrating work. I wish I can tell her to think happy thoughts to keep going and keep waiting in a simple way especially when she can’t just stop crying.

I keep waiting and wait I shall. My God is a god who can see and who can hear. I shall wait on the Lord. 

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This year, me got a long list of projects, things to make, and things to buy. Having a new home will always be a challenge to fill. On my part, it’s a torn between vintage and minimalism themes. To resolve this very personal (haha) issue, vintage will be my decor during the holidays, and I will keep the minimalist me the entire year.

Why minimalism? It’s a personal choice. I like the calm and clean feel of seeing less but functional things around–my kind of minimalism. As a mom, it helps seeing the kids’ clatter right on (because of the space) and have the kids pick them up. Yes, medyo OC me, but it keeps things organized with the kids and their mountain of toys.

Why vintage? It’s romantic ambiance makes me more womanly, ladylike in a way (haha). I love floral prints and tan and cream shades—the main reasons.

Gearing for this year’s move-in, I need to reorganize the list into sections/parts of the house to balance the purchasing activities. This means I will buy one thing for each section of the house—utensils for the dining, knife for the kitchen, pillow for the bedrooms, curtains for the living room, etc. This way, there will be no area where it’s bare as we go along. We will see the improvement coming from all corners of the house all together at the same time. I have this tendency to load up on one side until it’s done and complete then work on one other part after. This typically tips off the scale on one bulgy side, and I am correcting it.

Since we already have the basic furniture, budget for each month would be P2000. It’s not much, but it’s all I can spare. Anyway, this is a slowly-but-surely goal which will never end, I guess. Imagine stopping improving your home…never!

The front yard would be a different scene–green. I plan to keep the rural environment alive by having a vegetable and flower garden. Yes, Sir Kit, I will.

Staying positive and proactive…♥

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To many a Christian, prayer is important. Some might just say it in times of need, others make it a way of life. With the recent quake that hit Bohol the most, people around the country offer prayers to the victims.

Whenever you say “I will pray for you,” pray the instant after you said the line. Here’s why…

The intense of the desire to comfort the person is there, so make use of it–pray immediately. Have you noticed the fervor–that burning and warm feeling–when praying while we are in a dire situation? I say, that very moment makes our prayers effective and affective because we pour our hearts out, we pray with our soul and the force of our whole being.  I heard this advise from a homily in a mass I have attended a few years back. Since then, I pray immediately after saying I will pray for that person. Strike while the iron is hot, as they say. Also, we tend to forget as the day passes by. Our promised prayers for our friends and families could be forgotten because we’ve been busy. We have no intentions to forget them, right? So might as well pray now and not later.

 

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humming

Oh my mouth has kept its peace

But my mind is full
of dark-colored words
ready, ever ready
to be sputtered
any given full second

Yet my heart
yearns so much peace nowadays
wants to fill my head with soft whispers
of security, love, calmness…
She secures the mouth, she reassures the mind

To become what is wanted to become
must come with a price
and mighty a price it is–
keep the mouth closed.

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Sa kalaay ako hapit na moangay
Huyatid way limit
Manghuy-ab sa kainit

Pastilan ning kinabuhi
Sa way masapi
Sige lag Facebook, Google, WordPress
Mga tuldo hapit na mangnigpis

Gutom na kay tingpaniudto
Unya kay gasalig na man lang ko
Ang kaikog daw ikog na gyud
Gihigot na sa akong tiyan ug likod
Aron ang kabuhi di moipsot

Kung hangtod kanus-a ni
Wa pa gyud mahibaw-i
Unsaon ta man
Lisod mangita og panginabuhian

Minstras tanto
Bisan ideya di ingon ana kamaayo
Mag-Internet lang sa, pang-alibyo
Sa kasingkasing nga gahuot
Sa tiyan nga gakutoy.

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