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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Dear Nana,

I feel like a coward when I think of giving up when your life was harder than mine.
I feel guilty when a thought of leaving invades my mind when you have endured everything.
I cry when I feel weak and all you had was pride and courage and kindness to get through life.

When I think of you, it’s more like having a real heroine a trisikad’s ride away; and all of a sudden, I stop crying, I smile, and continue being me.

Thank you for the courage. Thank you for the love and the never-ending support.

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A few people wondered why the first holy communion of the school is given a year early. My response to that: the modern child is exposed to the different media at a very early age, why not introduce God and his love early too?

That right moment has finally come. He works in mysterious ways? Yes, and also in obvious step-by-step ways. Yesterday, Peetah my eldest, received his first holy communion. It’s a milestone for every Catholic. As a relearning Catholic, it’s a big sign for me!

It was my first time to attend a holy communion activity, aside from mine, of course. It was a solemn, smooth, and very organized event.  We accompanied Peter to the altar during the introductory parade and during the communion rites. He received a certificate and a rosary and rosary guide as a gift. The kids were responsive and really participated during the mass, and their teachers were there to help and guide them.

When a child receives his first holy communion, he already has the responsibility to attend the mass and the parents or guardians or teachers should explain to him the importance of attending it, what it is for, and what are the basic no-nos while in the church. It may be unfortunate for my son that his mom had been staying away from the church for years, but I believe, it is the right time to start over again. We will learn this together.

It is about time too to introduce the saints and Mary to him. I had a difficult time understanding about worshipping the saints and Mary and praying the rosary. Thanks to an Augustinian friend for his help with reading materials and websites, I came to understand that we do not worship the saints and Mary, but we ask their intercession, their help; and we ponder about the legacy they leave on earth before becoming saints—how they were transformed by their faith and love to God and became role models for us.

Side note: Bringing the Kids to Mass
While it is a great practice to attend the mass with every family member present, I believe bringing along the small ones isn’t practical and not helping the parents most of the time—except when your kids are well-behaved and would just sit and stay put. We attend mass to pray together as a church, to hear the Word, and to learn from the homily. With our attention divided between the mass and the kids, we can’t concentrate on the mass—which is the reason we are in the church at that certain time, right? My kids can stay on their seats for the whole duration of the mass; however, they can’t help teasing one another, so my husband and I would sit between them—out of each other’s reach. They can’t also help but notice other kids eating while the mass is going on and would eventually beg to have something to eat. After a few episodes of the consequences attending mass with our kids, I decided to stop bringing them along, and I eventually stop attending mass because I can’t leave them in the house without someone to take care of them.

Wrapping up, it’s about time we attend mass together as a family. Peetah now knows what to do during mass, and the little sis will copy his big bro. I’m sure of it.

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lie to others if you like, but never lie to your children
especially about the reasons why things exists and how things work
if you don’t know, say that you don’t know, and find it out; you will both learn in the process
if you know, do not alter the truth just because it is convenient to your lazy personality

 

-to lazy parents

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When asked to choose, I usually freak out. Even now. It makes me feel like my life is depending on it and so is the welfare of the entire universe. Oftentimes, I choose the “saving others” option. I do not want to think about me whenever I choose. Well, the after-party depression usually sets in after realizing the decision is not working out for me.

This week, I was asked to choose. Well, I was asked to choose on my first day here. I chose art. I love my job as a book page designer, been at it for years. Now that I am asked again, I cannot help but think of the way I choose and the usual consequences of the decisions I made before. Should I stay or not? Should I choose art or editing? Either way, I get to work on a book–a thing I do not want to live without, still a win-win for passion.

For a couple of days, I tried to think about what my decision would be. I thought about the pros and cons between page design and book editing. I thought about what I like to do now and what I want to be later. You see, I always picture my olden days (if I’d be blessed to get to that part) as a respectable old lady—drinking her tea and reading, but without spectacles. I picture my old self to be gardening, making cookies and jelly for my grandkids, painting, and answering crossword puzzles. Why am I into the future now? Because I want this career decision to be a decision I will make that will settle me down from the what ifs. If I will stay as a book page designer, until when will I be a page designer? Will I be a designer when I’m fifty? If I choose to be an editor, will I be editing when I’m fifty? Am I willing to set aside time to study and learn and understand the world of editing?

My questions and the thoughts I have these past few days led me to take a new step–to decide for myself and for my future as a person, as a woman. Yes, I have made a decision over these two before, but that was before I experienced not able to buy even a single sachet of shampoo for my own hair.

Editing is not an easy job. It takes years to master (is this the right word?) and be really familiar with the rules of the style you follow. It takes a lot of reading, of studying, of understanding when to choose readability over rules. It is meticulous, arduous, and your eyes will be red from hours of reading. No matter, I will strive to train and learn more. I have been there before, and I was overwhelmed with the amount of effort I have to exert to become a good editor. I was afraid then—afraid of making too many mistakes, of forgetting the rules, of poor edits. I realized, all that I was afraid of is my pride crushed. I am now ready for this new, structured adventure.  A lot of my editor friends made it, and I will too.

On a funny note, it’s better to be an editor. When my children are asked about my occupation, they will say I am a teacher. They find it a task to explain what I do for a living. Answering, “My mom is an editor” would be an easier one, isn’t it? 

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diri sa balay

Anhia ko diri sa among balay…

ganahan ko kitang duha diri mopahuway

gahuwat tawn…

 

nalata na ang lingkoranan nga kahoy

kilid sa bintana

nalaya na ang mga masitas

puti na kaha ni akong buhok?

nifade na ni akong purol

 

apan ang panahon milabay lang

molabay lang

nangalaya og nangaguba na tanan

apan naghuwat gihapon

kung usbon natog acting

di ko molakaw

maghuwat ra ko sa kilid sa bintana

 

hangtod kanus-a…

pwede ra pud sa next life

basta sure ko

maghuwat ko sa lingkuranan

kilid sa bintana

 

kung moanhi ka

remember, guba ang ring

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Since I was child, I like to look up to the sky and observe the changing formation of clouds. I like to look at mountains and wonder how they got their shapes. I like to look at the sea if the waves are high or the surface is calm. I like to observe and write about it.

When I was in sixth grade, a small plane flew too close to our school. I shouted, “Look! He’s flying too close!” A classmate said, “Kaignorante pud nimo oi!” and laughed away. A lot of kids were near us and heard everything and laughed too. I was just trying to point out something that was not ordinary.

I learned a lesson that day. It’s not good to share your observations. You’d be called a moron if you do.

When I was in high school, science and history fascinated me. These areas of learning made me create a world of my own. I spent my breaks in the library reading world history, geography, geology, astronomy, etc. I still remember that embarrassing moment.

When I was in college, I had more time to read.

When Bohol was struck with a M 7.2 earthquake, I don’t read geo anymore, but I still remember that embarrassing moment.

Now I learn a new lesson. I should not be embarrass to learn more or to share what I learn. God gave me a brain to be able to learn so I can equip myself with proper knowledge and share it with others.

It takes a post from a beautiful person to learn my mistake. Thank you, Monalisa Smile. Reading and learning about the earth, the clouds, the seas, and the world’s history will resume as soon as I post this. Oh, and after I vote today.

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I have always believe there is God. Not because the idea was taught to me, but because I know that there’s someone up above watching over us every minute. I can feel his presence when I’m down and when I’m happy. When times are good or bad, I know he let me be. He’s a just father—never pushing too much, never lacking care and love. 

Then came a certain moment in my life where I questioned everything about religion and the upheld doctrines, traditions, and practices. That time, I felt that I was deceived, mocked upon because something inside me told me that the religion is of good cause but there is something wrong with what the religious do. I stopped going to church because I felt it useless to go there with a heavy heart towing two kids while the husband barks blames on me for being late on the way to mass. I felt less a person, not worthy to go to church. I decided to stop believing. I stopped being a person. I was transformed into a nagging beast, full of revenge in my heart. Then one day, I don’t know when, I changed. I decided to change. I decided to let God come and find me. I knew I was lost, thus the decision to stay put from my wild wanderings, and wait silently. I waited for myself to heal. I knew I can only do it with patience. I know God was with me. He’s pulling me back on track when I stray away. This journey toward healing of my inner self and toward spirituality took a toll. I wasn’t able to teach my kids the wonders and love of God. I didn’t talk to them about God. I was so engrossd with myself, I forgot my kids.

However, God is true. He exists. He finds a way into every soul’s heart.

Last night, my eight-year-old declared, “Ma, Pa, we should pray before going to sleep tonight.”

Maybe they were taught at school. Maybe he was afraid of nightmares. But the biggest and most reasonable maybe is: maybe because God is with him. He found a way to get inside my son’s innocent heart and his love shone brightly it reached us. 

Beautiful, isn’t it?

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