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Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

This should be short. 😀

I have this attitude to never give up until I get it right or I get what I want when I set my mind on something.

If I have made a final move to leave him and break our family, what would there be? What will become of our children? What will become of us?

I am an advocate of having a complete family—together and living in the same house, at that. I don’t believe—not right now—that parenting or being a family can be done rightly when the pack is not living together. Sorry for being stubborn.

Amid and after all that had happened to me and my husband, I still believe that we can make this family better and stronger. I still believe that people change for the better. I always believe in moving forward together.

We sure have a lot of differences and we sure have a lot of disagreements. However, we slowly make amends and develop into two people who think more about the welfare of our small family and less of our personal gains. I now know how to shut my mouth, and he now knows how to help me with the chores without my telling. I now know how to support his interests, and he now knows how to respect my crying over a cheesy movie. We now both read—different books, yes, but we now both do something together. And, golly, how much we sing together during weekends!

We still keep each of our own money. We still buy our own share of expenses separately. I pay for our daughter’s school fees, he pays for our son’s. He still has the habit of throwing everything on the floor. I still don’t like to pick them up for him. He likes to play the blame game and I don’t have a lot of patience.

There are things we can live with and there are as many things we can’t stomach. There are two people in this relationship, two different people with different personalities. We have to compromise and meet in the middle.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think of giving it all up sometimes. In fairness, we didn’t plan about anything before we got married. We didn’t plan about a house, how many kids, who’s going to keep the money, whose this and that—didn’t. That’s a mistake on our part. But we need to keep moving forward and patch up those holes and level in those humps because we are here and we have a family.

Whenever low times hit me, I will always remind myself that we are not perfect people. We grow, we wither, then we grow stronger. We just can’t give up because we don’t like what we feel and see. We will always be a work in progress, and we shouldn’t and wouldn’t give up—not yet.

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lie to others if you like, but never lie to your children
especially about the reasons why things exists and how things work
if you don’t know, say that you don’t know, and find it out; you will both learn in the process
if you know, do not alter the truth just because it is convenient to your lazy personality

 

-to lazy parents

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just Love

It’s easy to say it. It maybe easy to do or show it too. It’s as broad as the universe and as deep as a sigh. One thing I have learned about love is to never declare it if you can’t keep it. Yeah, people change and feelings go along with that change. But all I know, love just don’t fade that easily.

I believe in loving from afar because you cannot and should not say the L word to that person. It’s not because of cowardice or fear. It’s just a choice. You cannot hold her because someone else is holding her hand. All you can do is to stare at her back and smile when she faces you. All you can do is believe in the future–the uncertainty of the future. All there is to think is the day everything will fall into place and you can be together.

What if you will just say it? No questions, no pre-meditations–just that magical moment when you press buttons and form those words or stare at her eyes and say it all.

Declaring love means commitment. The moment you say it, you know you are bound to keep that love. Once you’ve said it, it’s the beginning of a journey. You’re there. Keep the wheel turning, drive through the humps and the smooth spots. It won’t be an easy ride. No matter what her feelings might be, you are bound, under that spell, and your friends will laugh and will try to pull you out of it.

The one thing there is for you is utter happiness–the bittersweet type.

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The Lament.

As much as I wanted to keep it down the drain, there are moments when I cannot but regret being in a place I know I don’t and perhaps won’t belong any given time. I have scored some goals over this despair…

When you think you are all right, what you believe is true and your life would be better soon, you might stop and slap your self back to reality. That’s what happened and that’s what I used to believed in. Yet, that belief I held on to was broken not just once but more than twice. I used to sit in the corner trying to contemplate on the broken pieces, trying to solve the puzzle. However, it turned out I was alone. Alone within arm’s reach, staring at a broad back that once was my comfort.

Love, we should never be cynical about it because amid aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as the grass. Quite true. Yet the consequences for choosing love over the sane self and the teary-eyed mother who is left behind are a life sentence—endured even when the soul is so ready to give up and run back home.

Have I ever felt like a baby-maker? Twice. Love did not suffice for the pain I felt when my baby was snatched even when his nappy was still hanging from his legs, not done yet. Love did not secure me for the awful feeling of trying to impress people with my babysitting skills as if I had to qualify first before I can take care of my son. Love was not there when I had to cry because I can not blurt the anger out of my boiling blood. Every woman who has been given the gift to conceive should see it as a blessing, should give love. You might have lost your chance to show your love then but it does not mean you can take my chance away to patch your broken window. You had your chance and you blew it.

Money drives, but not with me. Not now, as far I am concerned. I work, I love, and I give time. The need to earn is secondary for a woman when she has a partner. Her main responsibility is to take care, manage the home and keep everyone full, comfortable and loved. My children are my priority. Whether the room is unkempt or the laundry undone is none of anybody’s business. Do not judge as if you own the world because you earn. Do not whine about your created rot.

It may seem I am contented. But mind you, I am in the theater. I can walk away from the boring stage play. Yet, I am staying because I am a woman—mindless and mindful at the same time.

No, I am not good. Not to your definition of good. What is being good then? To comply blindly, nod hastily? To obey, say nothing, sacrifice, and accept every insult with a smile? Somehow, your dictionary is out of date. The environment and the people who raised me may not be the best ones. But they made sure I know what is right and what is wrong. They made sure I would know how to use my brain to survive without stepping on someone’s toes.

These days, your misery and your insult do not sting me much. Your charade are quite entertaining nowadays. You can’t loop me in your mean cycle. I’m not going because I don’t belong there. 

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my tongue is tied with

your sweet smiles

your own language

i like to giggle

when you talk

i want to catch them all

hold them in my heart

keep them in my memory

your voice

is a breeze on a summer day

soft as marshmallows…

your queries

are like cherries

topping my ice cream

because i love you

i love your talks

your english

your cebuano

jumbled together

because you love

to communicate

to speak your eyes

to tell your stories

i don’t mind translating

i don’t mind listening

i don’t mind wondering

i never mind at all.

keep talking, baby

mama listens

even when my head is turned

even when my eyes are closed

even when I’m far

i hear your sweet voice

i hear your love.

Image

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hain ka?

nia ra ko…

wa man ko kakita

hap siguro ka

way binoang, asa lagi ka?

dia ra lagi ko!

sige kag pangita

sige kag saba

kakita na imong baba?

paghunahuna gud…

na, wa gyud ko kakita nimo oi.

nag-unsa man ka diha ’day?

naa koy gipangita ’ya.

kinsa man?

ako.

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darlene dear, do not believe…

 

…that black is always evil

for behind that veil

a messed mascara can be seen

dripping from the swollen eyes

from tears and pain

black has been a friend

for decades, for ever

all these hidden miseries

noir so helpfully conceal

 

… that bright colors

always bring joy

for behind that happy smile

lurks a sorrowed heart

blinded by the bright colors

lost, pretending to be found

 

what color you wear

won’t tell much of what you are

will only tell of what you try to hide,

tried so hard to hide.

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