When asked to choose, I usually freak out. Even now. It makes me feel like my life is depending on it and so is the welfare of the entire universe. Oftentimes, I choose the “saving others” option. I do not want to think about me whenever I choose. Well, the after-party depression usually sets in after realizing the decision is not working out for me.
This week, I was asked to choose. Well, I was asked to choose on my first day here. I chose art. I love my job as a book page designer, been at it for years. Now that I am asked again, I cannot help but think of the way I choose and the usual consequences of the decisions I made before. Should I stay or not? Should I choose art or editing? Either way, I get to work on a book–a thing I do not want to live without, still a win-win for passion.
For a couple of days, I tried to think about what my decision would be. I thought about the pros and cons between page design and book editing. I thought about what I like to do now and what I want to be later. You see, I always picture my olden days (if I’d be blessed to get to that part) as a respectable old lady—drinking her tea and reading, but without spectacles. I picture my old self to be gardening, making cookies and jelly for my grandkids, painting, and answering crossword puzzles. Why am I into the future now? Because I want this career decision to be a decision I will make that will settle me down from the what ifs. If I will stay as a book page designer, until when will I be a page designer? Will I be a designer when I’m fifty? If I choose to be an editor, will I be editing when I’m fifty? Am I willing to set aside time to study and learn and understand the world of editing?
My questions and the thoughts I have these past few days led me to take a new step–to decide for myself and for my future as a person, as a woman. Yes, I have made a decision over these two before, but that was before I experienced not able to buy even a single sachet of shampoo for my own hair.
Editing is not an easy job. It takes years to master (is this the right word?) and be really familiar with the rules of the style you follow. It takes a lot of reading, of studying, of understanding when to choose readability over rules. It is meticulous, arduous, and your eyes will be red from hours of reading. No matter, I will strive to train and learn more. I have been there before, and I was overwhelmed with the amount of effort I have to exert to become a good editor. I was afraid then—afraid of making too many mistakes, of forgetting the rules, of poor edits. I realized, all that I was afraid of is my pride crushed. I am now ready for this new, structured adventure. A lot of my editor friends made it, and I will too.
On a funny note, it’s better to be an editor. When my children are asked about my occupation, they will say I am a teacher. They find it a task to explain what I do for a living. Answering, “My mom is an editor” would be an easier one, isn’t it?
