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Posts Tagged ‘work’

I know this might sound unfair to my husband that he’s not in the title. Well, for one, he doesn’t want me to stop working. I understand the inner plea of help to finance our little family–he’s too cute to say that.

Last month was a turmoil. Inside. The world can still hear my Sharon Cuneta laugh. However, deep inside, the war between being a full-time mom and a working mom is at its peak. All the while, I wanted to tell my husband I’d like to stop working and be with the kids. While all that time, I was trying to convince myself to go on with my job–the job I never dreamed of having.

Whoever dreamed of designing books? Really, I think no one unless you’re in college and your degree is related to designing or publishing. But this job made my day. This job rocks! This job–book layout or designing the interior of a book–is a subconscious dream that came true; and the pay, my friend, is great. Literally, the pay is fat; and figuratively, the pay is awesome–I get my name printed in every book I get to design. How cool is that?

One more side of the job is that this is me and mine. This is something that I am passionate with. This is something I can tell my grandkids about. Something I can show my kids I can do with confidence and with a happy smile. This is the me my mother knows as her daughter. She’s always overwhelmed about the books I and my sister read and have since grade school days.

The other side of this coin is my kids–the life of my life. The two things I would not alter if I’d be given a chance to get inside a time machine. With work between them and me, I feel guilty most of the time. Guilty that I can’t be there with them during the day like other moms. Guilty that I can’t send to and fetch them from school everyday like other moms. Guilty that when they get home from school, they won’t find me there waiting for them. Guilty that I don’t cook for them because we don’t have our own kitchen, our very own home yet.

I feel the need to stop working to be with the kids–to be a real mom to them. Apparently, this is the modern era where moms go out to work and not manage the household. I explained to each of my kids why I have to go to work everyday whenever they cry and hug my leg on my way out. They find it quite absurd to work so I can buy them toys, clothes, food, video games, and to pay for tuition. Papa has to do that part, they say. How I wish life is as easy as that. But no. It’s not. But what’s there to do? Win the lottery?

What I have come up to appease my ever-growing guilt is to believe that everything is temporary. The kids will grow and the needs will not be the same as they are right now. I know more will be expected from each of us, but that thought is being held in the back of my mind as of the moment. Right now, I have to focus on getting my daily goals on track so I can come home with more energy than before. With that, I can spend hours with the kids before we retire at night. Because I can’t send  them off to school in the morning, I will fetch them from school in the afternoon. Because I can’t cook for them during weekdays, I will cook for them during weekends. We can spend an hour for assignments together each night and watch movies on Friday and Saturday nights. Do some art and other crazy things on Sunday mornings and nap together in the afternoons. Sounds simple, and in reality a difficult sked to keep. But God helps to those who make things work out. I know and I believe.

I can’t quit from work, and I can’t take my kids for granted. They need me. God gave them to me as my charges, my responsibility. I take care of them because I’m their mom. But there are other needs to be met too. Most of these are for them and for their future. I know they understand. They’re smart kids.

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over work… moving forward

It is after contemplation that you will submit a resignation letter. Yet, shouldn’t it be after you signed a contract with another company? Well, I did both.

My first official job was with a prestigious local newspaper. I was a copy specialist of the creative team and to define that would require another paragraph—let’s just say I converted files to PDF. I enjoyed and learned a lot with my stay there. I matured as a person and learned to play in a team. I thought the hardest part of getting another job is looking for it. I was completely wrong. I forgot I my work was about advertisement and 90% of it during Sundays is job posts. Resigning for the first time is nothing… nothing easy. Though my pay was small and won’t fit in an expanding budget list with two kids in tow, I was with a company that meant much to me like a family. I stayed for almost four years.

Then I met a self publishing company. The pay is good, the work schedule and benefits are perfect for a mom with little kids and the job is even better. As an avid reader of anything with lots of pages, I found book interior designing awesome to the power of ten. It’s a dream came true. I have to hit quota, yes, but that did not prevent me to read, firsthand. I even made a book wish list for the books I wasn’t able to read but would like to someday. But at a certain point, one thing reminded me why I graduated from my much enjoyed college degree. Time reminded me of my age and my true purpose. All this time, God is unconsciously gearing me for something big. That big thing came at the right time: in the middle of amortization, tuition fees and a dream to take the teacher’s board exam.

Connectivity is an amusing word. I am with the publishing industry for six years. My first job connected to my second through its own nature of advertising service. My second job connected me to the third through the elevator, one floor down.

Resignation now comes a bit easy than the first though I am sad because I am leaving my friends and my firsthand reading activity. But I am quite forgetful. I forgot that my next job entails reading manuscripts and restructuring. Talk about firsthand reading, huh.

In two weeks time I am to work as someone I did not think I would become—an editor. I may not be that prepared but I believe in myself. I have come this far and I thank God for the love.

 

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new seats… yay!

it should be better than good

we see it coming anyway.

 

good luck to you

good luck to me

welcome to a quite unknown zone

 

ah, changes could be what we need

an icebreaker from locked jaws,

lifted knees and nodding heads

 

deep breaths could help

so take one and release loudly

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